I've been thinking lately about how the places that we live affect who we are and particularly how we parent. I didn't realized it before (I suppose because I'd only been a parent in one place) but every place seems to have its own parenting culture. My current LA 'hood, for instance seems to be made up of dual-income parents in their late 30's to early 40's. The other day I was chatting with a mom at a park which seems to be my form of sociological research these days. She said "wow, you must have been young when you had Asha". I was 27! In my world that is not particularly young to have kids. My mom was 23 when she had my oldest sister and she felt positively ancient at the time.
Women generally wait until at least 30 to start having children here. A 34 year old mom I was talking to said that often when she's at the park she finds that she is the only one there that's under 40 (except for the nannies). The reason for having children later seems to be twofold. First, it's so damn expensive to live here it takes a while to attain a standard of living that you feel comfortable raising children in. Also, women generally wait until their career is on-track before procreating. Which brings me to the other common theme here which is that most moms work full time. This is also at least in part due to the aforementioned expense to live here (seriously, half a million dollars gets you an 800 sq ft, 2 bedroom house in a decent neighbourhood). I have yet to meet a mom that stays at home full time and doesn't work at all.
Working full-time can make it difficult to arrange preschool for your kids, which is another interesting theme here. Getting your kid into the right preschool is a huge deal. Some places have wait-lists that are over a year long. Since some people start their kids in preschool at age 2 1/2 you pretty much need to call to get on a waitlist from the delivery room. I guess at home preschool seemed a bit more optional to me. One mom told me about the homework assignments that her daughter gets at preschool. She thought it was "cute" but I was horrified! Preschools seem to be either very academic or very crunchy and play-based. I'm leaning in the direction of the crunch but I'm trying not to get caught up in the craziness!
Another woman I met in the park who recently moved here from Tucson, AZ told me that the split between working and stay-at-home moms is about 50/50 in Tucson and there is a pretty fierce rivalry between the two groups. She also seemed to be consciously slipping things into the conversation to ensure I knew she was a good mom and human being (i.e., "sometimes I freeze those yogurt tubes... the organic ones...", "there's our car, there's our Prius"). She was really nice but she just seemed to be trying so hard as though she had been judged in the past. I hadn't noticed it until then but most people around here are pretty easy-going and unapologetic about themselves. I had imagined a bunch of bleached and botoxed "kept" women but people are actually quite normal! Of course the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" are around in this city but not in my humble little neighbourhood. I did get a bit of a taste of it when I went to Playa Vista which is a bit more glitzy. I saw my first botched nose job (well I thought it had been botched but she seemed pretty pleased with herself).
Oh dear, this post has gotten a bit judgemental. I will end on a positive note. Back to my sociological experiment (i.e., taking my kid to the park and talking to other moms). The biggest insight I've gained from this move so far is that people in general are pretty cool! I always thought that I was lucky because I fell into a good group of friends when I was a kid. I was lucky because I found a great group of girls to hang out with in university. I was lucky that when my husband dragged me to a town in northern Alberta that he happened to work with a group of great people in forestry. Well it turns out that most people in general are just really great and you just have to go out there are meet them. And if you meet enough people you can weed out the occasional wierdo! Ha ha!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
How To Think Like a Four Year Old
My sister, Natasha once told me that Asha is the funniest person that she's ever met. At the time I thought it might be a bit of an overstatement but I think I've decided that I agree. Asha is also one of the most critical thinkers that I've ever met. Case in point - today she asked me how birds fly when there's gravity. Isn't that a fantastic question? When I'm not laughing histerically at what she says, I'm saying "that's a great question" and then figuring out if I even know what the answer is. I have found myself googling such gems as "why does the earth spin?" and "mold viewed through a microscope" and "why is poo brown?". I don't recommend googling that last one because all sorts of wierd fetish websites come up. Just ask me if you're curious what the answer is...
My funny Asha-ism of the day goes a little something like this: "I have a special drink that I drink sometimes. It doesn't taste like water or like milk. It is my own spit." What?! As I am writing this she is in her bed and she's supposed to be sleeping or at least attempting to become sleepy. I just heard a colossal crash and when I asked what she was doing she said "it's not me making the racket. It's my toys". She also frequently blames parts of her body for things, such as "I didn't step on Nia, my foot did".
My 5 year old nephew recently told my other sister, Siena that he's pretty sure he's smarter than her but she just has more knowledge (I think he ties with Asha for funniest person I know). Well I think he's on to something. Kids have a sense of wonder about the world that we as adults seem to have lost. Why don't I think about things like birds and gravity? Did I once but now I'm too busy thinking about other stuff? I sometimes wish I could be 4 years old so that I could have a vast world to discover. I suppose I do have a vast world to discover though, don't I? It's not like I know everything. I suppose, when it comes to knowledge and wonder, Asha is to me as I am to Stephen Hawking. She might not understand basic physics yet but I don't understand spacetime.
Yesterday, we were eating supper and suddenly Asha said "I know how to write an "M". It goes up down up down. I thought maybe she had learned this at summer camp but she said she just thought of it in her head. How many times a day do I thoughtlessly write an "M" while Asha just discovered it for the first time! I suppose that's one of the fantastic things about being a parent. I get to discover the world all over again.
P.S. Breaking news - Asha now has an imaginary friend. Her name is Jenny and she has quite an elaborate back story and checkered past. She likes to play poker and her mom thinks she's a baby so she doesn't read chapter books with her. She has 2 younger sisters and 2 older brothers who live in New York City.She can only be seen and heard by Asha and although she is 4 years old she can easily be picked up and moved around by a same-aged peer. I'm hoping she will fulfill Asha's insatiable appetite for 4 year old company but I'm not holding my breath...
My funny Asha-ism of the day goes a little something like this: "I have a special drink that I drink sometimes. It doesn't taste like water or like milk. It is my own spit." What?! As I am writing this she is in her bed and she's supposed to be sleeping or at least attempting to become sleepy. I just heard a colossal crash and when I asked what she was doing she said "it's not me making the racket. It's my toys". She also frequently blames parts of her body for things, such as "I didn't step on Nia, my foot did".
My 5 year old nephew recently told my other sister, Siena that he's pretty sure he's smarter than her but she just has more knowledge (I think he ties with Asha for funniest person I know). Well I think he's on to something. Kids have a sense of wonder about the world that we as adults seem to have lost. Why don't I think about things like birds and gravity? Did I once but now I'm too busy thinking about other stuff? I sometimes wish I could be 4 years old so that I could have a vast world to discover. I suppose I do have a vast world to discover though, don't I? It's not like I know everything. I suppose, when it comes to knowledge and wonder, Asha is to me as I am to Stephen Hawking. She might not understand basic physics yet but I don't understand spacetime.
Yesterday, we were eating supper and suddenly Asha said "I know how to write an "M". It goes up down up down. I thought maybe she had learned this at summer camp but she said she just thought of it in her head. How many times a day do I thoughtlessly write an "M" while Asha just discovered it for the first time! I suppose that's one of the fantastic things about being a parent. I get to discover the world all over again.
P.S. Breaking news - Asha now has an imaginary friend. Her name is Jenny and she has quite an elaborate back story and checkered past. She likes to play poker and her mom thinks she's a baby so she doesn't read chapter books with her. She has 2 younger sisters and 2 older brothers who live in New York City.She can only be seen and heard by Asha and although she is 4 years old she can easily be picked up and moved around by a same-aged peer. I'm hoping she will fulfill Asha's insatiable appetite for 4 year old company but I'm not holding my breath...
Friday, July 15, 2011
Preparing for lockdown
Well the fateful day has arrived. Yes, Carmageddon is upon us. What's that you say? You haven't heard about Carmageddon? Well you must not be within 100 miles of L.A. because it's all anyone will talk about around here! When I just signed into my yahoo.ca email account (that's .ca so it's Canadian!) it was actually one of the news items so I guess they're talking about it everywhere!
So, what is Carmageddon? Well, they are shutting down a 10 mile stretch of the 405 freeway this weekend and life as we know it is going to come to a screeching halt. This is a seriously momentous event which apparently NEVER happens. They are selling "I survived Carmageddon" shirts and I'm totally going to buy one because that's hilarious! The ramifications of this are expected to stretch across the entire city because all traffic will be rerouted (that's "re-rowted" not "re-rooted" as I would pronounce it with my Canuck accent) to the other roads. People are seriously not going to leave their homes all weekend. We have been invited over to our friends' house (who live down the street) on Saturday night because they are hunkering down and want some company.
Part of me is tempted to go for a drive to see what it's like. Maybe everyone will be so scared to drive that the streets will be deserted. Isn't it kind of a lovely idea? I have images of people rollerblading and skateboarding down the 405 (that's another wierd thing here - grown adults seem to skateboard. Seriously, I've seen several normal-looking 30's-ish men skateboarding.) People could set up block parties and lemonade stands and actually hang out together. Once when we went to Banff to go skiing there was a major accident on the way to the hill so all the cars were stuck for an hour or so. We all just sat there in our cars being grumpy. Well I decided to get out and build a snowman and David and I had a snowball fight and it ended up being super fun! People smiled out their car windows but no one joined us. Incidentally, David proposed to me that night so it was a pretty good day all around, even though we didn't ski much! Anyway, maybe that's what will happen this weekend. We will be forced out of our cars and into eachother's space. My inner pessimist is saying that people will probably just sit at home and watch TV. Hmm.
Needless to say, the folks here in L.A. LOVE their freeways and the 405 in particular. It bisects the city and connects the entire north end to the south. I've counted 14 lanes at one time but there might be more in some sections. The irony of it is that it is pretty much always backed up and is a giant pain in the ass. People say "405" means that you can go about 4 or 5 miles an hour most of the time. It's a big gamble because you can just take another road and know how long it will take to get to your destination or you can take the 405 and you might get there way faster or you might get stuck in a traffic jam. I was given the advice that I should always have food, water, and plenty of gas in my vehicle before getting on the 405, just in case. For real!!
David found out the other day that L.A. used to have a pretty decent public transit system of trolleys but they ripped them all out in the 40's to build the freeway system. Oops! Now the big thing is transit-oriented development and L.A. is significantly behind its sister cities of San Diego and San Francisco.
But the upside of this freeway madness is that people definitely know how to drive here and particularly how to merge. None of the hesitant mergers or oblivious drivers who don't open a spot for you to merge on a road like, say, the Whitemud!
Well I'm going to go and stock up on canned goods and drinking water now just in case the city implodes over the next 48 hours. Wish me luck!
So, what is Carmageddon? Well, they are shutting down a 10 mile stretch of the 405 freeway this weekend and life as we know it is going to come to a screeching halt. This is a seriously momentous event which apparently NEVER happens. They are selling "I survived Carmageddon" shirts and I'm totally going to buy one because that's hilarious! The ramifications of this are expected to stretch across the entire city because all traffic will be rerouted (that's "re-rowted" not "re-rooted" as I would pronounce it with my Canuck accent) to the other roads. People are seriously not going to leave their homes all weekend. We have been invited over to our friends' house (who live down the street) on Saturday night because they are hunkering down and want some company.
Part of me is tempted to go for a drive to see what it's like. Maybe everyone will be so scared to drive that the streets will be deserted. Isn't it kind of a lovely idea? I have images of people rollerblading and skateboarding down the 405 (that's another wierd thing here - grown adults seem to skateboard. Seriously, I've seen several normal-looking 30's-ish men skateboarding.) People could set up block parties and lemonade stands and actually hang out together. Once when we went to Banff to go skiing there was a major accident on the way to the hill so all the cars were stuck for an hour or so. We all just sat there in our cars being grumpy. Well I decided to get out and build a snowman and David and I had a snowball fight and it ended up being super fun! People smiled out their car windows but no one joined us. Incidentally, David proposed to me that night so it was a pretty good day all around, even though we didn't ski much! Anyway, maybe that's what will happen this weekend. We will be forced out of our cars and into eachother's space. My inner pessimist is saying that people will probably just sit at home and watch TV. Hmm.
Needless to say, the folks here in L.A. LOVE their freeways and the 405 in particular. It bisects the city and connects the entire north end to the south. I've counted 14 lanes at one time but there might be more in some sections. The irony of it is that it is pretty much always backed up and is a giant pain in the ass. People say "405" means that you can go about 4 or 5 miles an hour most of the time. It's a big gamble because you can just take another road and know how long it will take to get to your destination or you can take the 405 and you might get there way faster or you might get stuck in a traffic jam. I was given the advice that I should always have food, water, and plenty of gas in my vehicle before getting on the 405, just in case. For real!!
David found out the other day that L.A. used to have a pretty decent public transit system of trolleys but they ripped them all out in the 40's to build the freeway system. Oops! Now the big thing is transit-oriented development and L.A. is significantly behind its sister cities of San Diego and San Francisco.
But the upside of this freeway madness is that people definitely know how to drive here and particularly how to merge. None of the hesitant mergers or oblivious drivers who don't open a spot for you to merge on a road like, say, the Whitemud!
Well I'm going to go and stock up on canned goods and drinking water now just in case the city implodes over the next 48 hours. Wish me luck!
Monday, July 4, 2011
How are you?
Happy 4th everyone! That seems to be what they say down here. Not "happy 4th of July" but "happy 4th!". As I am writing this it literally sounds like a warzone outside as the entire city has been setting off fireworks for over an hour! Asha and I watched some just down the street from our house. And I'm not talking about the hoky little fireworks that go about 3 feet in the air one at a time. These were serious starbursts that shot at least 100 feet in the air. These Americans sure know how to celebrate!
But that's not what I really planned to write about... How are you? I think it's very interesting how people respond to this question. I once wrote a paper in university about this. My hypothesis was that most people say "good" regardless of how they actually are and that when someone asks "how are you?" they don't actually care about your state of well-being. My prof didn't agree.
The reason that I'm thinking about this again is that I met a woman the other day and she seemed very nice. She's from LA but lives in India and her husband actually works in Bollywood! How interesting is that? The next few times I saw her whenever I would ask "how are you?" she would say "I'm hanging in there". What kind of thing is that to say? It's just such a negative response! Well when I actually spent some time with her I discovered that she is really friendly a quite a positive person.
On the same topic, one of David's classmates asked him how he was the other day and he said "fantastic" and she was so impressed! David also knew someone once who would give actual percentages in response to the question (as in "I'm about 65% today"). Unfortunately he was usually around 60% and never much more.
So I guess what I'm getting at is that I wonder how a person's response to this question reflects who they are to the world? I also wonder how it affects your own mood. Is it possible to "fake it till you make it" so that if you say you're great even if you're not you'll start to feel better? Hmmm.
But that's not what I really planned to write about... How are you? I think it's very interesting how people respond to this question. I once wrote a paper in university about this. My hypothesis was that most people say "good" regardless of how they actually are and that when someone asks "how are you?" they don't actually care about your state of well-being. My prof didn't agree.
The reason that I'm thinking about this again is that I met a woman the other day and she seemed very nice. She's from LA but lives in India and her husband actually works in Bollywood! How interesting is that? The next few times I saw her whenever I would ask "how are you?" she would say "I'm hanging in there". What kind of thing is that to say? It's just such a negative response! Well when I actually spent some time with her I discovered that she is really friendly a quite a positive person.
On the same topic, one of David's classmates asked him how he was the other day and he said "fantastic" and she was so impressed! David also knew someone once who would give actual percentages in response to the question (as in "I'm about 65% today"). Unfortunately he was usually around 60% and never much more.
So I guess what I'm getting at is that I wonder how a person's response to this question reflects who they are to the world? I also wonder how it affects your own mood. Is it possible to "fake it till you make it" so that if you say you're great even if you're not you'll start to feel better? Hmmm.
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