How Do They Do It?

Well I haven't written in a while and I'll tell you why. I always feel like I need to have something fantastic to write. I've started a few posts but I always doubt myself because I fear that I'm being too judgemental and/or boring and/or opinionated and/or pessimistic and/or optimistic etc. So I've decided to set a time to write every week and I'll just say whatever comes to mind. We humans tend to take ourselves too seriously don't we?

So here's the opinionate blog that I've been writing in my head but I haven't put down. Thanks to Jeanette for encouraging me to write whatever I think even if it irritates people! I guess that's why blogs are good because people are able to comment right away unlike a book or something like that.

So. Last weekend we met up with a friend of mine and her family. They are really nice and have a daughter Asha's age. They also live about 100 yards from the beach so we met up at their house for lunch and then headed out to the beach together. Well I think I've mentioned this woman before in my blog. We met at the park and she's a bit uptight and seems to feel the need to prove herself all the time. I totally get this because there's nothing like motherhood to make you feel completely insecure and judged by all. She works full time and has commented a few times that she feels judged for it. She also told me that she's a better mom when she works because she's not the stay-at-home mom type.

When we arrived at their house we were greeted by ocean views and a beautiful open floor plan. The house has a fabulous winding staircase up the middle and a gorgeous backyard. We talked about the beginning of school and she commented several times on the yoga pant wearing moms who drop off their kids at school who seem to sneer at her in her work clothes as though she is a terrible, heartless working mother. "How do they do it?" she said. "How can they afford to live in Los Angeles and stay home with their kids?". Well I don't know this woman well and I'm also working on being less judgemental (I have been horribly judgemental in the past and I am really trying to change that but I think that I may have gone too far to the point where I never state my opinions. Hence, my inability to write honest blog posts... but that's another topic). Anyway, what I wanted to say was "maybe they don't live in 2,500 sq ft houses steps away from the beach that are filled with fabulous furniture and have 2 brand new vehicles parked outside!". Yuck. I hate even writing that but that's what I thought.

What you also need to know about my friend is that she and her husband are both engineers so they are likely doing pretty well for themselves. The other thing that I wanted to say to her is "do you honestly want to be a yoga pant mom? If you don't that's OK! But if you do, you can be! You can live in a 817 sq ft house with planes going by every 5 minutes. You can take the bus for a buck fifty a pop and buy your furniture on Craigslist!" I may or may not be speaking from experience.

So I guess my point is, and I think I may write an entire post about this in the future, I believe that everyone needs to decide what they really truly want in life and what their priorities are. It can be really hard to figure out what your priorities are as opposed to what you think they should be. I think feminism has done women a disservice in a way because we feel like we need to be able to do it all. If you prioritize your job than you are a bad mom. If you choose to stay at home you are wasting your brain and education.

So since I don't feel like I know my new friend well enough to say it to her I'm going to say it to the ether instead. I think what she wants is to work full time and live in a beautiful home and be a mom as well. And that's OK! I think the yoga pants moms want to be home with their kids during they day (which likely includes a yoga class while the kids are at school, hence the pants) and that's OK!

I read a book called "Living Simply with Children" when Asha was a baby and it encourages you to come up with a mission statement for your family. You then set out to redesign your life to fit that mission statement. For me, that included not working full-time which resulted in some sacrifice. The added bonus of that is that I have no fear of anyone breaking into our house because we literally have nothing of value! It's actually sort of freeing.  I'm not saying I have it all figured out but I feel that I am living the life that I want to live. It sounds obvious but I'm not sure that most people really are living the life that they want to live. Oh God, I sound like Oprah. Time to sign off.

But one more thing because I just read over what I've written and I feel like a know-it-all bitch. I do want to note that I have been very lucky in my life and I know that it's not always so easy for others to "live the life they want to live". There are many factors that people can't change (being born into poverty, abuse, disability, etc.) and I happen to have been very lucky in all those areas and I whole-heartedly acknowledge that! But the vast majority of factors in our lives are things that we can change (home, spouse, possessions, job, etc.) and I don't think there's a good excuse for letting your life be less than the best it can be. Oh geez, I seriously need to stop writing now before I get any cheesier.