My Name is Melissa and I use disposible diapers

Yes, I've said it. I've declared it to world. It is now on the internet so it must be true! I have been a faithful cloth diaperer since Asha was born and I am now going to the dark side.

Why the public confessional? Well, it's a hard thing for me to admit. Partly because I feel really guilty but mostly because I liked being the kind of person who uses cloth diapers. I AM the kind of person who uses cloth diapers. Can I be the type of person who uses cloth diapers without actually using them?

When I first sat down to write this post it became a multi-page diatribe about how, despite my best efforts, our cloth diapers have started to leak and I have tried everything to save them. I also went on endlessly about how much laundry I do. It was a stream of excuses why I was ditching the cloth. But guess what? No one cares! You don't care how much laundry I do and you don't care what type of diapers I use.

I have told Asha many times that other people don't think about her nearly as much as she does. I just need to take my own advice. You will all still love me even if I'm sending extra pounds of waste to the landfill, right?

So my question is, why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we judge ourselves so harshly? Why was it so hard for me to make this confession?

I was recently at a parenting workshop (I go to parenting workshops.... that makes up for the potentially harmful chemicals leaching out of the diapers onto my baby, right?) and I was sitting beside two women who each had a two year old. We were discussing childcare and one of the moms made her own confession.

"I still breastfeed my son," she whispered, visibly recoiling in anticipation of our reaction.

Why was she so scared to tell us this? The other mom then proclaimed that she was still nursing her 2-year old too! A lively discussion ensued about how judged we often are (or at least think we are). Mom #1 remembered that when she was pregnant she was told that she absolutely must breastfeed. Two years later, heaven forbid she should still be doing it! It's as though one must breastfeed for exactly one year. Any less and you hate your baby and any more and you love him too much.

So I suppose I just want to say to us all... let's lighten up! Let's stop being so hard on ourselves and others. Next time you see me I will be using disposable diapers. But I do so much laundry!! Nope, no excuses. As I write this there are not one, but two laundry baskets of clothes sitting within 10 feet of me with laundry waiting to be put away. But I'm writing this instead and that's OK.

                                               See the two laundry baskets beyond
                                               the computer? At least the laundry in
                                               them is clean!

I will end with one quick laundry story because I think it's funny. A friend of mine who has 4 kids (and uses cloth diapers!) was once confronted by her frantic son as he was trying to get ready for school.

"I have no clean clothes, Mom!" Jasper cried.

"What?" his mom replied, "I just did 4 loads of laundry last night!"

"The baskets are empty!" he said.

It hadn't occurred to him to actually look in his drawers because the clean clothes so seldom made it there.

So we're all just juggling and trying to keep the balls in the air. Nia just looked at the picture above and said "That's our house! I can tell because of all of the toys!". Well at least she didn't say "all of the laundry!". Alright, I'll go put away my laundry now. Oh, and pay attention to my kid...