My Name is Melissa and I use disposible diapers

Yes, I've said it. I've declared it to world. It is now on the internet so it must be true! I have been a faithful cloth diaperer since Asha was born and I am now going to the dark side.

Why the public confessional? Well, it's a hard thing for me to admit. Partly because I feel really guilty but mostly because I liked being the kind of person who uses cloth diapers. I AM the kind of person who uses cloth diapers. Can I be the type of person who uses cloth diapers without actually using them?

When I first sat down to write this post it became a multi-page diatribe about how, despite my best efforts, our cloth diapers have started to leak and I have tried everything to save them. I also went on endlessly about how much laundry I do. It was a stream of excuses why I was ditching the cloth. But guess what? No one cares! You don't care how much laundry I do and you don't care what type of diapers I use.

I have told Asha many times that other people don't think about her nearly as much as she does. I just need to take my own advice. You will all still love me even if I'm sending extra pounds of waste to the landfill, right?

So my question is, why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we judge ourselves so harshly? Why was it so hard for me to make this confession?

I was recently at a parenting workshop (I go to parenting workshops.... that makes up for the potentially harmful chemicals leaching out of the diapers onto my baby, right?) and I was sitting beside two women who each had a two year old. We were discussing childcare and one of the moms made her own confession.

"I still breastfeed my son," she whispered, visibly recoiling in anticipation of our reaction.

Why was she so scared to tell us this? The other mom then proclaimed that she was still nursing her 2-year old too! A lively discussion ensued about how judged we often are (or at least think we are). Mom #1 remembered that when she was pregnant she was told that she absolutely must breastfeed. Two years later, heaven forbid she should still be doing it! It's as though one must breastfeed for exactly one year. Any less and you hate your baby and any more and you love him too much.

So I suppose I just want to say to us all... let's lighten up! Let's stop being so hard on ourselves and others. Next time you see me I will be using disposable diapers. But I do so much laundry!! Nope, no excuses. As I write this there are not one, but two laundry baskets of clothes sitting within 10 feet of me with laundry waiting to be put away. But I'm writing this instead and that's OK.

                                               See the two laundry baskets beyond
                                               the computer? At least the laundry in
                                               them is clean!

I will end with one quick laundry story because I think it's funny. A friend of mine who has 4 kids (and uses cloth diapers!) was once confronted by her frantic son as he was trying to get ready for school.

"I have no clean clothes, Mom!" Jasper cried.

"What?" his mom replied, "I just did 4 loads of laundry last night!"

"The baskets are empty!" he said.

It hadn't occurred to him to actually look in his drawers because the clean clothes so seldom made it there.

So we're all just juggling and trying to keep the balls in the air. Nia just looked at the picture above and said "That's our house! I can tell because of all of the toys!". Well at least she didn't say "all of the laundry!". Alright, I'll go put away my laundry now. Oh, and pay attention to my kid...

Dance Like Nobody's Watching

When we moved into our house there was a decal on the wall with the following little nugget of advice: "Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening". We've all heard this advice before. I couldn't decide if it was poignant or ridiculous. My friend, Jeanette promptly made fun of it and steered me toward ridiculous.

                                                               Deep, right?

I sort of like it because I think we tend to stifle our inner music sometimes and we learn, all too young, that we should be too embarrassed to let it all hang out. Children help us realize this because they aren't afraid to express themselves. I often feel as though I am living in a musical. A day, or even an hour rarely goes by without someone in my household breaking into song or dance. My friend, Geoff commented just yesterday that he loved how everything Nia was saying was said in a sing-song voice. I hadn't even noticed. Nia even sings when she's eating. She does this sort of humming thing as she chews. I was only alerted to the fact that she does this because she told us recently that the teachers at her daycare "don't like her song".I didn't know what she was talking about!

Asha takes the above mentioned advice to a new level. When she got to that delightful stage of reading fluency when kids read every single thing they see, she noticed for the first time that there was writing on the wall. She was completely perplexed. "Why would you sing like no one was listening?" she asked. We automatically assume that a person would dance or sing with less gusto if there was an audience but to Asha the opposite is true. Don't all other people exist in order to be her audience?

This was also illustrated when Asha went to her dad's work recently. They went down a staircase that had a light shining down at the base of the stairs. She insisted on stopping for a brief performance. The light was a spotlight of course, just waiting for a performer to shine on! She had to let the light fulfill its spotlight destiny!

Asha sings and dances like EVERYONE'S watching on a regular basis. If there is no one around she watches herself in a mirror. Even her reflection in a window will suffice.

                                               In case you can't read lips allow me to

                                                              help. Asha is saying "ro-o-o-o-o-o-oar".

                                                              I'm not a huge Katy Perry fan but that

                                                              song is a great way to start the day.

Well unfortunately I do sing more passionately when no one is around. I am not afraid to sing in public but it's not with quite the fervor as when I'm on my own. You know those people in traffic who are singing at the top of their lungs alone in their car? That's me. If you turn up Glee loud enough you can imagine that you actually sound as good as Rachel Berry.

I had one of those "ah, what my life has become" moments the other day. I was driving back to my parents' house after a Strollercise class. (Do we all know what Strollercise is? Yes? Yet another thing that is either awesome or embarrassing, I'm not sure which. Moms do lunges and squats while pushing their babies in strollers. The babies stare at us in bewilderment as if to say "what the hell are you doing, Mom?")

Anyway, my parents babysit Asha and Nia while I go to Strollercise with Ezra. The drive back to their house is one of the rare times when I can listen to whatever I want without complaints or uncomfortable questions from children. I decided to take this opportunity to listen to some old school Cypress Hill (is there any other kind?). This is a throwback to my high school days when my rap-music-loving boyfriend introduced me to the genre. I don't care what anybody says, the rap music of the 90's was friggin awesome. Luckily, Ezra is still too young to ask questions such as "what's 'chronic', Mommy?" and "why does this man want the pigs to stay away from his crops?".

So there I was, the sun roof open on my SUV, head bobbing, singing "Insane in the Membrane" at the top of my lungs while I drove through suburbia. I had a brief moment when I was embarrassed for myself and then I decided "screw it"! I'm going to sing like nobody's listening, specifically a certain 7 year old who asks too many damn questions.

I haven't taken off the wall decal yet. Unfortunately we decided to put our piano right under it which makes it that much cheesier. I also put up a couple of pictures with equally poignant words of wisdom and David now calls it "the bossy corner".

                                                      The Bossy Corner

I think I'll keep the decal. It may be ridiculous but it gives me permission to crank Snoop Dogg and use the "n" word, at least when my children aren't around.

I'm baaaack!

Hello! So it's been over 2 years since we moved back to Canada. Every now and then someone says "hey, whatever happened to your blog?" and I think about starting it up again but I never did. Until now! I had two people ask me this last week and decided to take the plunge!

Why the hesitation? Well it felt sort of self-centred but the thing about blogs is that they are inherently self-centred. In this world full of selfies and Twitter, do we need yet another person talking endlessly about herself?!

I guess I felt that when we were having our adventure in California I was interesting enough to warrant a blog but now that I'm just a regular old Canadian mom it seems self indulgent. I don't think this about anyone else who writes a blog, in fact I think when they do it it's quite brave.

That being said, over the last 2 years I have often thought "that would make a great blog post". I have decided that I want to write down all of the thoughts that swim around in my head if for no other reason but to get the thoughts in my head straight! Another reason why starting up the blog again was daunting was that I didn't want it to become a burden where I felt like I had to blog with a certain frequency in order to keep people's interest. Heaven forbid I should disappoint my readership! Ha ha!

So here's the deal. I'm going to write about whatever I feel like and if no one reads it, that's fine. If nothing else, it can be like a diary that I look back at in years to come (a diary that 8 billion people can read). If I go a few weeks without writing, that's fine. I need to remember that no one cares about me and my thoughts as much as I do so I'm sure your lives will go on without a post from me for a few weeks!

So Basking Canadian shall rise again! I still bask! I'm still a Canadian! To be continued... (oh, Jian Ghomeshi already took that tag line. I'll have to find my own)