That Wretched Stone

Alright. This is the post that has been brewing in my mind for the last 8 months but I haven't actually put down into words. The reason that I haven't written it yet is that the topic tends to alienate me from people. You see, I have found myself becoming increasingly weird and less like the norm. I sometimes ask myself if I've become the mom from About a Boy. Remember that movie? The mom is a vegan hippy who encourages her son to be unique and not fall prey to peer pressure. Unfortunately this results in him being a total outcast because he wears ugly shoes and spontaneously starts singing in the middle of class. Well I'm not as weird as that mom is nor do I have suicidal tendancies like her, thank goodness. Asha is definitely her own person but she isn't a social outcast (she does have a tendency to break into song at any given moment but she's 4 so it's still cute).

There's a fantastic kids' book called The Wretched Stone. It's by Chris Van Allsburg, the author of Jumanji and The Polar Express. It's about a ship of sailors who find a mysterious stone out at sea. The stone has a haunting glow and the sailors can't help but stare at it. Over time the sailors cease doing the things they loved to do such as reading,  playing music and dancing and eventually they all turn to monkeys. In the end the captain covers up the stone and destroys it and the sailors return to normal (although they have an increased appetite for bananas!).

So the topic of this post is television. I'm just going to say it. I think television is responsible for the unravelling of the fabric of society. Phew. There it is. The reason that I'm hesitant to say this out loud is that people love TV and don't like to hear that it is evil. You would be amazed at how often television shows come up in conversation. I know, because I never have anything to offer in these conversations because we don't have TV.

Well we don't have cable or satellite or anything like that. I have to say up front that we do have a physical television set and we do watch movies so I'm not a complete media hermit. I have the entire second season of Modern Family on DVD and I am a bit of a closet "Gleek" so whenever those two shows come up in conversation I am so excited to contribute!! I also think that the second best decision I ever made as a parent was to limit my child's TV (or in our case movie) time to 1 movie a day. Asha knows that this occurs during Nia's nap so I have approximately 1 1/2 uninterrupted hours every day. Because she doesn't watch much TV Asha doesn't tune it out like most kids and carry on with other stuff. When she watches a movie she is totally engrossed so I can do whatever I want at that time. Seriously people, it's the best damn thing you can ever do for yourself as a parent (not to mention the benefits of limiting screen time on your kids but we'll get to that. By the way, this is the second best decision I ever made as a parent because the first is having my children with David. He's literally the best dad ever. I knew that he would be a good dad before we had kids but I never could have dreamed what a fun, engaged, and helpful dad he would be. But I digress...

We actually ended up having no cable by accident. When we moved to our first home in Whitecourt it took the cable company 3 months to hook it up. We missed it at first but after a couple of months we realized that we were better off without it. We spent more time reading, cooking, exercising, sleeping and fixing up our house than when we had TV. We called the cable company and told them not to bother coming. We lived without TV for several months. Then came hockey season and we really missed watching the games. One "Hockey Night in Canada" we were really wishing we could watch the game and couldn't help but notice the cable box in the backyard. We figured it was worth a try to see if we could somehow get something out of it. It turned out the cable had never been cut off so we were able to get it for free.

Well, we were like ex-junkies that fell off the wagon. At first we said we would just watch the games but that slowly snowballed until we were watching every night. I should add (because if I don't David will) that David didn't actually watch much TV even when we could. He has a low tolerance for crappy TV and most of it really is crappy. So I'll say it like it is... I was like an ex-junkie that fell off the wagon. I didn't like the hold that TV seemed to have on me. If I sat down to watch one show I would end up staying up until midnight. I also found myself doing less of the other stuff that I enjoyed doing.

So when we moved into our log house we decided to not even wire the house for cable. I went through a brief withdrawal but then I was back to enjoying the extra time. Since getting rid of TV I think I changed in lots of subtle ways. I'm much less paranoid about things like serial killers and child molesters. The actually likelihood of getting murdered is extremely slim but when we hear about every single case that happens in the world it makes us think it happens all the time in our own backyard. I also think that I want to buy less stuff. I was never a big shopper but since I'm not being inundated by commercials I don't feel like I need every new thing that comes out. One of the best things about just watching DVDs instead of TV is that you don't get the advertising.

That brings me to the unravelling of society. When I think of what is wrong with our society, TV has a major part in all of these things. Obesity epidemic? Well not only does TV take away from our time to exercise but it blasts us with advertisements for unhealthy food. Decline in reading among children? A recent study showed a link between empathy in children and reading. A book allows you to get into a person's mind and therefore makes you more empathetic towards the feelings of other people. TV just doesn't do this in the same way. Increase in ADHD and other psychological disorders? It has been shown that watching TV actually changes the way a person's brain is wired. Television is constantly flashing from one shot to another. Kids' brains come to seek out constant changes in input and therefore have trouble focusing in the real world. A decline in community and family relationships? Everyone is holed up inside instead of sitting on their front porches interacting with other people. Families tend to split off and watch separate shows in separate rooms. Don't even get me started on kids having televisions in their bedrooms! I've already alluded to the general paranoia that people have and also an overall lack of trust for eachother. Think about how many shows there are about decent human beings versus the ones about psychos. Not to mention all of these "reality shows" that don't exactly paint a positive picture of humanity. I guess us decent, normal people don't make for very good TV, do we?

The most troubling thing about television is the pervasive consumerism. We need to remember that the purpose of TV is not to entertain us but to make us buy stuff. We tend to think that commercials are annoying interludes from our shows when the truth is the opposite. Companies pay billions of dollars to advertise and the shows are created to keep our interest. Even without the actual advertisements, products are planted in all of the shows that we watch. My beloved Modern Family had a whole episode about Phil desperately trying to get a new IPad. It was hilarious but still... The even bigger problem is that television sells a lifestyle that is out of reach for many people and just within grasp for many more. We feel like we need a new car, a bigger house, furniture to fill that big house and therefore we need to work more in order to afford all that new stuff. We are so overworked that we have no time for the things that matter in life. Then we're so damn tired at the end of the day that all we want to do it veg out in front of the TV.

I guess I just feel like we're all getting suckered. Why exactly do we pay for this crap? And it truly is crap. Whenever I get a chance to watch TV at a hotel or someone else's house I get a bit excited. But then I turn the TV on, flip through the channels a few times and turn it off because it's all such CRAP!


Now that I have kids I've gone from being somewhat anti-television to being downright pissed off. Dora doesn't exist to entertain or educate my children but to make them want a Dora toothbrush, Dora underwear, a Dora bike etc etc. The kids' television stations employ psychologists to help them get into kids' heads. Look on the credits for most of the shows and you'll see a psychologist listed. Everything has been manufactured, from the length of an episode to the size of Elmo's eyes to appeal to our kids as much as possible.

OK, I'm going to reel it in a little bit. I've gone a bit too conspiracy theory with all this. You may be wondering why we have a TV at all. I realize the hypocrisy of preaching about the evils of the small screen when we still watch movies (which are actually usually DVDs of TV shows). Asha is watching The Magic School Bus as I write this. Part of the reason is the aforementioned 1 1/2 hours a day that I get to myself. It would be dishonest if I just said it was for honorable reasons. But it's also because I don't want Asha to be a total social outcast and I've experienced first-hand how alienating it can be to not be able to contribute to water cooler conversations. I also quite a few sideways looks when I've told people that we don't watch TV. I usually avoid the topic because people think I'm just too weird. Asha's already unique enough. I don't need to fan future bully's flames. I also like to watch the occasional movie in the evening.

My friend Jodi recently visited with her beautiful baby Emma and we had an interesting discussion about television. She said that one of her favourite things to do with her husband is curl up on the couch together and watch TV. For them, TV is quality time. It made me think about what David and I do in the evenings (the ones where David is home and not at school). We often sit and chat but just as often we read or do homework which are very solitary activities. Jodi also told me that if I plan on lobbying against television it will be the hill I die on. She's probably right. Are we all turning into monkeys? Does anybody even care if we are?