Our time in California is ticking down so we have made a list of things we definitely want to do while we're here.The list ranges from likely (go to the Zimmer Children's Museum) to not-so-likely (go on the Price is Right). At the top of this list was to go to a Kings vs. Oilers game. There are only a few home games versus the Oilers each season so we had to wait until the end of the season to go. Never ones to actually pay full price for anything, we scoured Craigslist ads for people selling off tickets from their season ticket packs. None of the seats were great so we decided to chance it and find a scalper at the game. (On a side note, isn't the word 'scalp' disgusting? Not only is it just yucky sounding it has such horrible connotations. How did the the resale of tickets to sporting events become synonymous with the removal of one's enemy's scalp?)
Well in good ol' Edmonton you can count on several people hanging around under the statue of Wayne Gretzky trying to sell you tickets. I assume it's either legal or the authorities look the other way. In Los Angeles it seems to be a much shadier business. A guy around the corner from the gates asked if we wanted tickets but as David perused the merchendise some cops approached and our 'dealer' told David to put the tickets in his pocket. We then casually walked up the block with the guy several steps ahead of us. After a little negotiation (on David's part of course. I am really horrible at bartering) we landed 2 tickets, 10 rows behind the Oilers' bench. Not bad.
It turns out that actually selling the tickets isn't illegal but you can't do it outside the arena without a permit. Still though, don't you think that the LAPD has better things to do than patrol the Staples Center for scalpers? This is a city where people get murdered daily. The whole undertaking was actually pretty thrilling, as was getting past the gate without being told the tickets were bogus.
When we found our seats it turned out that the guy next to us had been given 4 tickets and sold 2 of them to a guy in the parking lot who then sold them to us for $25 more per ticket than he had paid. It really worked out well for everyone because the guy beside us made a little money, the entrepreneur in the parking lot made some too, and we got great seats for way less than the box office price. Unfortunately I think some of that money went up the guy beside us's nose. He was awfully sniffly and really hyper. Oh well.
There were a remarkable number of Oilers fans in the crowd. I suppose some people were expats like us but lots of people probably traveled there for the game. I guess if you want to travel to an away Oilers games, L.A. is a good place to go. It beats Pittsburg! A guy in front of us took one look at my Oilers jersey and asked, "do you live in Edmonton?" and when I said 'no' he said "why do you cheer for them then?".
Lots of things were the same as hockey games at home. Beer, popcorn, annoying people constantly shouting "shoot it!". There were some differences though. One of which was people that came out and shoveled the ice during commercial breaks. It was different because they shoveled the blue and red lines as well as the area around the nets. It was also different because these people were scantily clad women. During the first period, they were wearing low cut shirts and pants. During the second period they seemed to have lost the bottom halves of their shirts. We waited with baited breath to see if they would be pantless in the third but alas they were not.
Another similarity was the chants. You know, when the organ plays and people hollar "DE - FENCE!" and "let's go Kings, let's go!". A difference was that there was also a chant involving a little ditty played by the organ and the fans yelling "Oilers suck!". This was shocking to my Canadian sensibilities. I couldn't help thinking that in Canada we're not mean hockey fans.
We wondered what the crowd would be like and if these Angelenos would know anything about hockey. We were pleasantly surprised to see that the arena was fairly full and the crowd were pretty hard core. I guess if you're a hockey fan in a baseball/basketball town you must really love hockey. In other words, it doesn't take much to be an Oilers fan in Edmonton but if you choose the Kings over the Lakers, Clippers, and... what are the baseball teams called? .... you must really be hard core.
So did we win? Of course not! Don't you know that the Oilers suck?! I like to say that we lost the game but we won the fight. The highlight of the game was the fight in the first period where our guy worked the other guy. What is it about hockey fights that I love so much? I really am a pacifist at heart. When I was a kid I used to let mosquitos bite me because I found out they only live for 2 weeks and I felt bad for them. When I was 5 years old my mom asked me to choose between an ugly plaid dress and a cool one with stripes and a mock turtle neck. I chose the cool one but felt horrible for the ugly one. As an adult I don't eat meat and close my eyes whenever there's violence in movies. But a hockey fight? I go crazy! I find myself saying things like, "come on! Throw off your gloves, you sissy!" and cheering like a crazy person when someone lands a punch. I guess it's because it's mutually agreed upon by both players and usually increases the energy of the whole game. So although we didn't win and most of the Oilers (excepting the goalie) seemed to be counting down the minutes until golf season, even Sniffy beside me had to admit his guy got worked.
So I would highly recommend going to an away game of the sporting team that you love. It's kind of thrilling being the underdog and cheering when no one else is. It must be so fun for all those Leafs and Flames fans in Edmonton! We just might have to schedule any future North American travel around the Oilers' travel schedule.
As a side note, Asha's current favourite song is "The Good Ol' Hockey Game". She sings it all the time and tells people that hockey is the best game you can name. I have her convinced that when we fly back to Canada they are going to ask us at the border what the best game you can name is and if we don't say 'hockey' they won't let us in. She has also told David that when we go back to Canada he should be a house builder and a hockey player. Do you think it's to late for him to make the big leagues??
Oh, and one more thing. I'm going to use this blog as a way of recording something for posterity. David seems to think that he has a knack for predicting the Oilers' future. He insists that he predicted that Ryan Smyth would come back. By the way, it was nice to see Smitty back! Although does he always play wing now and therefore can't take his position in his "office" (i.e., the crease)? So anyway, David's new prediction is that the Oilers will just barely miss a playoff spot next year, make it to the playoffs the year after, and then they'll be on fire. I guess he believes all this "it's OK that we suck because it means we'll get great draft picks" business. Well, we'll see!
Friday, April 6, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Smog Sunsets
I'm now in a peculiar position because I'm sort of in between places. I know I'm moving away but not for 2 months. I don't want to squander my time here thinking about the future but I also don't want to forge new connections here if I'm leaving anyway. I'm in the Waiting Place, as Dr. Seuss would say.
Of course now that I'm moving I've suddenly become friends with some of the parents at Asha's school. That seemingly unpenetrable group of friends. It turns out that two of the kids who have a long-standing twice-weekly playdate only have it because one of the moms works and pays the other mom to babysit. Well we now have a weekly yoga class date with Maya and her mom and most weeks we go to the farmer's market with some other kids and their parents. We're going to the zoo tomorrow with another family. I guess it's like those women who desperately want to get married and as soon as they stop trying they find him immediately. I still haven't found my L.A. best girlfriend but a bunch of playdates will do.
The fact that our time here is winding down has made me think about what I've learned from my time here. I had a lot of pre-conceived ideas about Los Angeles before I came here and most of them were unfounded. When David first threw out the idea of moving here my immediate response was "absolutely not". I thought that this city represented all that was wrong with the world: disparity of wealth, obsession with fame and beauty, pollution, crime. Don't get me wrong, those things all exist here but there's more to this city than that. Here are a few things that I've learned about this crazy place:
Not all of L.A. is Beverly Hills
I was literally prepared to be the ugliest person in the entire state. When you picture California you imagine beautiful, blond women who have paid ridiculous amounts of money on plastic surgery. I also thought that everyone would drive fancy cars and wear fancy clothes and I wouldn't fit in at all. Well it turns out there are parts of the city where that is the case but in my little 'hood and most of the neighbourhoods people are just normal. I also imagined everyone here would be snobs and look down their noses at our hillbilly truck and reserve dog but this hasn't been true at all. I guess the people that are too cool for us stay away!
Not all of L.A. is Hollywood
As I mentioned above, not everyone here is a movie star. However, although not everyone in this city is a wannabe starlet, it has actually surprised me how big a part of the local economy the film industry is. I have met the following: a movie producer, a costume designer, a talent agent, a rapper, and several movie extras. I been inconvenienced several time by movies being filmed on location. I even met an actual, real-life actor! Remember that movie "10 Things I Hate About You"? I met the woman who played Julia Stiles' best friend. And I was very close to meeting Blossom. Remember Blossom?! She's the co-leader of a holistic mom's group. Unfortunately she was absent at the meeting I went to. Rats! David said she would definitely fulfill my need to see a celebrity while I'm living here.
Not all of L.A. is South Central
I suppose I assumed that if an area of L.A. wasn't fancy schmancy Beverly Hills then it would be sketchy and crime-ridden. Although the area that we live is Inglewood-adjacent it seems to be really safe. I probably shouldn't say that out loud. Now I'm going to get mugged for sure. I often walk Stobie at night by myself without batting an eye. I suppose any would-be muggers would be scared of my tough, res dog! Little do they know he recently got his ass kicked by a cat and he's scared of water to the point that he walks on the road to avoid people's sprinklers.
The Mexicans are the hardest-damn-working people in this place
I know there is more to the immigration situation down here than I understand but I'm pretty sure that if they fixed the "immigrant problem" the city would fall apart. The Mexicans are the people who do all the jobs that people could do themselves but choose to outsource including mowing their lawns, parking their cars, and taking care of their kids. I have never seen a Hispanic homeless person. Every Sunday night people go around with headlamps looking for bottles and cans in people's recycling bins on the curb. I think that's downright resourceful! Our neighbours across the street are from Mexico and I am not exaggerating when I say that they are the hardest working people I have ever met. Both of them work their butts off so their kids can go to a fantastic private school in Brentwood. And did I mention that they have the 3 nicest girls in the world?
It isn't that smoggy (most of the time)
We live on the west side of L.A. so most of the smog gets blown away from us and into the valley. I've heard the air quality can be so bad in the eastern part of the city that asthmatics can't live there but on our side of town it's not too bad. It does get noticably worse as the week goes on. There was one day when the wind had shifted so there was a haze of yellowish-greyish smog over the ocean. It was fairly disgusting. Someone told me that it's not too bad though because smog in the west makes for beautiful sunsets. How's that for a silver lining (or a yellowish-greyish one).
People in L.A. are actually pretty friendly (most of the time)
Someone told me that Los Angeles had been voted the rudest city in America. That hasn't been my experience with the exception of when I'm in traffic. People become downright evil in traffic.
Airplane travel is very safe
We live about 10 minutes away from LAX airport which can be noisy although we live near the part of the runway where planes land which is much quieter than the area where they take off. It's been very convenient for picking up visitors and it has provided endless entertainment for visitors who like watching planes land. The thing you realize when you watch a plane land every 5 minutes all day long is that airplane travel is really quite safe.
Well I may have tempted fate with this post. I'll probably get mugged and yelled at and then die in a plane crash now. Oh well. I still stand by my observations!
Of course now that I'm moving I've suddenly become friends with some of the parents at Asha's school. That seemingly unpenetrable group of friends. It turns out that two of the kids who have a long-standing twice-weekly playdate only have it because one of the moms works and pays the other mom to babysit. Well we now have a weekly yoga class date with Maya and her mom and most weeks we go to the farmer's market with some other kids and their parents. We're going to the zoo tomorrow with another family. I guess it's like those women who desperately want to get married and as soon as they stop trying they find him immediately. I still haven't found my L.A. best girlfriend but a bunch of playdates will do.
The fact that our time here is winding down has made me think about what I've learned from my time here. I had a lot of pre-conceived ideas about Los Angeles before I came here and most of them were unfounded. When David first threw out the idea of moving here my immediate response was "absolutely not". I thought that this city represented all that was wrong with the world: disparity of wealth, obsession with fame and beauty, pollution, crime. Don't get me wrong, those things all exist here but there's more to this city than that. Here are a few things that I've learned about this crazy place:
Not all of L.A. is Beverly Hills
I was literally prepared to be the ugliest person in the entire state. When you picture California you imagine beautiful, blond women who have paid ridiculous amounts of money on plastic surgery. I also thought that everyone would drive fancy cars and wear fancy clothes and I wouldn't fit in at all. Well it turns out there are parts of the city where that is the case but in my little 'hood and most of the neighbourhoods people are just normal. I also imagined everyone here would be snobs and look down their noses at our hillbilly truck and reserve dog but this hasn't been true at all. I guess the people that are too cool for us stay away!
Not all of L.A. is Hollywood
As I mentioned above, not everyone here is a movie star. However, although not everyone in this city is a wannabe starlet, it has actually surprised me how big a part of the local economy the film industry is. I have met the following: a movie producer, a costume designer, a talent agent, a rapper, and several movie extras. I been inconvenienced several time by movies being filmed on location. I even met an actual, real-life actor! Remember that movie "10 Things I Hate About You"? I met the woman who played Julia Stiles' best friend. And I was very close to meeting Blossom. Remember Blossom?! She's the co-leader of a holistic mom's group. Unfortunately she was absent at the meeting I went to. Rats! David said she would definitely fulfill my need to see a celebrity while I'm living here.
Not all of L.A. is South Central
I suppose I assumed that if an area of L.A. wasn't fancy schmancy Beverly Hills then it would be sketchy and crime-ridden. Although the area that we live is Inglewood-adjacent it seems to be really safe. I probably shouldn't say that out loud. Now I'm going to get mugged for sure. I often walk Stobie at night by myself without batting an eye. I suppose any would-be muggers would be scared of my tough, res dog! Little do they know he recently got his ass kicked by a cat and he's scared of water to the point that he walks on the road to avoid people's sprinklers.
The Mexicans are the hardest-damn-working people in this place
I know there is more to the immigration situation down here than I understand but I'm pretty sure that if they fixed the "immigrant problem" the city would fall apart. The Mexicans are the people who do all the jobs that people could do themselves but choose to outsource including mowing their lawns, parking their cars, and taking care of their kids. I have never seen a Hispanic homeless person. Every Sunday night people go around with headlamps looking for bottles and cans in people's recycling bins on the curb. I think that's downright resourceful! Our neighbours across the street are from Mexico and I am not exaggerating when I say that they are the hardest working people I have ever met. Both of them work their butts off so their kids can go to a fantastic private school in Brentwood. And did I mention that they have the 3 nicest girls in the world?
It isn't that smoggy (most of the time)
We live on the west side of L.A. so most of the smog gets blown away from us and into the valley. I've heard the air quality can be so bad in the eastern part of the city that asthmatics can't live there but on our side of town it's not too bad. It does get noticably worse as the week goes on. There was one day when the wind had shifted so there was a haze of yellowish-greyish smog over the ocean. It was fairly disgusting. Someone told me that it's not too bad though because smog in the west makes for beautiful sunsets. How's that for a silver lining (or a yellowish-greyish one).
People in L.A. are actually pretty friendly (most of the time)
Someone told me that Los Angeles had been voted the rudest city in America. That hasn't been my experience with the exception of when I'm in traffic. People become downright evil in traffic.
Airplane travel is very safe
We live about 10 minutes away from LAX airport which can be noisy although we live near the part of the runway where planes land which is much quieter than the area where they take off. It's been very convenient for picking up visitors and it has provided endless entertainment for visitors who like watching planes land. The thing you realize when you watch a plane land every 5 minutes all day long is that airplane travel is really quite safe.
Well I may have tempted fate with this post. I'll probably get mugged and yelled at and then die in a plane crash now. Oh well. I still stand by my observations!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Homeward Bound
Well folks, it's official. We are moving back to Alberta. We have decided that Edmonton is the best place for us to live. The biggest reason is that pretty much our entire family is there (including a forthcoming niece or nephew!). The exception is my sister, Natasha but we're not moving to England so I guess we have to accept being far away from her. Something else I realized lately is that if we were to plot our friends on a map they would be concentrated in Edmonton and the rest would form a small circle around Edmonton. Do we need any reasons other than those? Well it will be nice to be back somewhere that is familiar. It's also a nice compromise between small, rural Whitecourt and gigantic, metropolitan L.A..
When we were debating where we would live next Asha was fairly adamant that we should move back to Canada. When I asked why she said "because we're Canadians, Mom. That's who we are". Well she's got a point! I've tried to be pretty open-minded and not keep myself in a little Canadian bubble. I have a theory about traveling that when you are in a different country you need to immerse yourself in the country and not obsess about what it's like at home. This means not constantly calculating what time it is at home and converting the price of everything to your native currency. This is particularly helpful for getting over jetlag and basically a necessity if you want to get drunk in Iceland (a beer cost the equivalent of $20!! Maybe that has changed now since their economic crash though.... Melanie??) Anyway, I've tried to do that while we've been here. Yes, rent is ridiculously high here and people complain if it's less than 70 degrees but starting every sentence with "well in Canada..." isn't going to change that. If you're going to move to a new place you have to adapt to your environment.
I've tried to be more than the token Canadian in any given group but it's so hard! Every time I take off my jacket when I get warm at my exercise class the instructor says "Canada's taking off her jacket!". Meanwhile everyone is still cowering from the "cold" in their sweaters and "stocking caps". I want to say "well actually they're called toques" but I'm trying to fit in. I wonder if a person ever sheds their native skin a becomes an actual local. I certainly haven't but it's only been a year.
I have changed quite a bit over the last year. I'm much more likely to run a yellow light (you need to here or run the risk of getting rear-ended). I'm much more friendly and likely to talk to strangers. I made a decision when we moved that I would have to push myself out of my comfort level a bit if I was going to get to know anyone. It's kind of ironic that we think that Canadians are nicer than Americans but it took moving here for me to becoming a friendlier person! I guess most of the things that have changed about me have nothing to do with being in the U.S. and more to do with moving somewhere, anywhere new.
There are lots of things about me that I don't think will ever change. You don't realize how the political and social climate of the country where you are brought up affects you. For instance, universal healthcare is such an ingrained part of me that I continue to be shocked that it can be any other way. I know that Canada's healthcare system is far from perfect but I think there's something about the nation taking care of the health of its people that is comforting. If we were to stay here David and I would most likely have health care coverage through our employers which is essentially the same as having it covered by the government. But even if we had adequate coverage I would find it hard to forget about the millions of people who do not.
Well this post has turned into one giant tangent and isn't at all what I intended it to be. I guess I just wanted to let you all know that we're officially moving back and we are ALL thrilled about it. My sister said recently that she's glad I'm moving back even if I'm not but the truth is that we wouldn't be moving back if we didn't want to be. We will need to be reminded of that regularly when we're up to our eyeballs in snow and cold. I guess we won't be able to complain about the weather anymore, will we!
When we were debating where we would live next Asha was fairly adamant that we should move back to Canada. When I asked why she said "because we're Canadians, Mom. That's who we are". Well she's got a point! I've tried to be pretty open-minded and not keep myself in a little Canadian bubble. I have a theory about traveling that when you are in a different country you need to immerse yourself in the country and not obsess about what it's like at home. This means not constantly calculating what time it is at home and converting the price of everything to your native currency. This is particularly helpful for getting over jetlag and basically a necessity if you want to get drunk in Iceland (a beer cost the equivalent of $20!! Maybe that has changed now since their economic crash though.... Melanie??) Anyway, I've tried to do that while we've been here. Yes, rent is ridiculously high here and people complain if it's less than 70 degrees but starting every sentence with "well in Canada..." isn't going to change that. If you're going to move to a new place you have to adapt to your environment.
I've tried to be more than the token Canadian in any given group but it's so hard! Every time I take off my jacket when I get warm at my exercise class the instructor says "Canada's taking off her jacket!". Meanwhile everyone is still cowering from the "cold" in their sweaters and "stocking caps". I want to say "well actually they're called toques" but I'm trying to fit in. I wonder if a person ever sheds their native skin a becomes an actual local. I certainly haven't but it's only been a year.
I have changed quite a bit over the last year. I'm much more likely to run a yellow light (you need to here or run the risk of getting rear-ended). I'm much more friendly and likely to talk to strangers. I made a decision when we moved that I would have to push myself out of my comfort level a bit if I was going to get to know anyone. It's kind of ironic that we think that Canadians are nicer than Americans but it took moving here for me to becoming a friendlier person! I guess most of the things that have changed about me have nothing to do with being in the U.S. and more to do with moving somewhere, anywhere new.
There are lots of things about me that I don't think will ever change. You don't realize how the political and social climate of the country where you are brought up affects you. For instance, universal healthcare is such an ingrained part of me that I continue to be shocked that it can be any other way. I know that Canada's healthcare system is far from perfect but I think there's something about the nation taking care of the health of its people that is comforting. If we were to stay here David and I would most likely have health care coverage through our employers which is essentially the same as having it covered by the government. But even if we had adequate coverage I would find it hard to forget about the millions of people who do not.
Well this post has turned into one giant tangent and isn't at all what I intended it to be. I guess I just wanted to let you all know that we're officially moving back and we are ALL thrilled about it. My sister said recently that she's glad I'm moving back even if I'm not but the truth is that we wouldn't be moving back if we didn't want to be. We will need to be reminded of that regularly when we're up to our eyeballs in snow and cold. I guess we won't be able to complain about the weather anymore, will we!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Funny stuff my kids did recently
chirp chirp chirp
Those are the crickets chirping after my last blog post. Oh dear, have I alienated myself from my entire readership? I actually had a few people email me their comments. Most people agreed with me and/or brought up other facets that I hadn't talked about (i.e., how women are portrayed on TV, the effects of social media such as Facebook on society, the effects of the internet in general).
Well I thought I would lighten things up a bit and how better to do that then talk about funny things my kids say and do?
Asha's been quite philosophical lately. We've had several discussions about why the seasons change and how it can be daytime here but nighttime in England but it's winter in both places. She's also going through a fun little phase where she is constantly a victim of unfortunate circumstances and everyone else is to blame. We signed her up for swimming lessons and her first class was the other day. The class was at 10:00am so it was an eternity for her to wait since she woke up at 7:00. She decided that I was making her wait on purpose just to be mean and I was going to make her late and miss the class. To this I replied in a sarcastic tone that I'm trying to stop using, "you're right. I searched all over L.A. looking for a good class for you to take. I then signed you up the minute registration began so you could get a spot. I then paid money not only for the class but also to park. I did all of this because I'm mean and I want you to be late and miss the class!". I don't know what it is but this constant laying of blame (and of course it's me getting blamed 95% of the time) makes me crazier than anything! Even whining!
But this is supposed to be about funny things Asha says, not annoying things. Yesterday we went for a walk / bike ride. It was one of the first times Asha had been back in the saddle since she broke her arm. She's been a bit hesitant to ride her bike again. She was definitely more cautious and slower than she used to be, much to Stobie's sagrine because he thought he was actually going to get a decent walk. Asha was cruising along pretty well until she suddenly stopped and gazed off into the distance. When I asked what she was doing she said, in a dramatic and melancholy voice "it's my grave". I didn't know what she meant but she explained that it was the site of the unfortunate arm-breaking incident. We had a moment of silence to mourn the loss of her intact arm bone and moved on. Our Asha definitely has a flair for the dramatic.
Asha is also doing a yoga class right now. Very L.A., right? Asha thinks that she has some innate yogic ability because her name is Indian. The class is pretty fun and involves things like standing up from a cross-legged position with your hands on your head. Try it! It's harder than it sounds! Well before Asha's first class she ran into her room so she could get on her yoga outfit. A few minutes later she came out wearing the following: leggings with shorts over top, a long-sleeved shirt with a tank top over top, sunglasses, and a pink cowboy hat. She insisted that that's what people wear to yoga class in California. When we got to the class I was shocked to see that everyone else had on the same outfit! Just kidding! Imagine if that happened!
Well enough about Asha. We can't forget about Nia! As a younger child myself I am acutely aware that the oldest child often steals the show. Nia and I share something in common which is a precocious, ultra-talkative older sister. My other sister, a classic middle child compensated by being very well behaved and therefore adored by all, especially teachers. So far, Nia seems to using my strategy of being extremely cute. Unfortunately I was irritating and very much aware of my cuteness. Nia, on the other hand, is just so damn cute and hilarious without even trying.
(Just a brief little interlude to give a shout-out to my sisters. As my girls get older I see them becoming genuine friends which I find thrilling. My sisters and I got along ridiculously well as kids too. I have so many great memories of them reading to me and playing with me in the backyard. We had our occasional scuffles such as when Natasha hit me in the face with a lunchbox. Or did I hit her? I can't remember. Siena was bossy and liked to play fun little tricks such as setting up a yard sale on her bed where I could buy her crappy old toys (including some stuff that was mine). But for the most part my sisters were the best big sisters I could have ever asked for, despite my aforementioned annoying cuteness.)
Anyway, when I look back at pictures from when we first moved here I realize that Nia was seriously homely. I mean this in the most loving way possible and I was certainly not aware of it at the time. I guess all parents are somewhat oblivious to their children's shortcomings. Maybe I'm still delusional but I'm pretty sure that Nia is becoming one ridiculously cute kid. She has quite the little personality on her. David is seriously concerned because Nia seems to be a bit of a fashionista. Each morning when David takes Nia and Stobie for a walk he takes Nia to her closet to choose a sweater. She is very discerning about what she chooses and usually matches her selection to what David is wearing. Nia is also obsessed with shoes and hats and purses.
So we've got a whole lotta personality going on in our house! I'm afraid for the teenage years. Sometimes I think about people who don't have kids and how nice it must be sometimes. Generally this happens at 2 in the morning when Asha has growing pains or 6 in the morning when Nia didn't get the memo about the time change. But more often there are times when I am busting a gut because of something funny one of our kids did. Or because of the ridiculousness that has become our life. I had a recent conversation with a couple of moms about the strangest thing we've ever found in our kid's diaper. One of the best I've ever heard of was light bright pegs. My personal best was a googly eye used for crafts. There's nothing more unsettling than something peering out at you from the depths of a diaper.
So yes, my life is ridiculous at times but that's what makes it so damn fun.
Those are the crickets chirping after my last blog post. Oh dear, have I alienated myself from my entire readership? I actually had a few people email me their comments. Most people agreed with me and/or brought up other facets that I hadn't talked about (i.e., how women are portrayed on TV, the effects of social media such as Facebook on society, the effects of the internet in general).
Well I thought I would lighten things up a bit and how better to do that then talk about funny things my kids say and do?
Asha's been quite philosophical lately. We've had several discussions about why the seasons change and how it can be daytime here but nighttime in England but it's winter in both places. She's also going through a fun little phase where she is constantly a victim of unfortunate circumstances and everyone else is to blame. We signed her up for swimming lessons and her first class was the other day. The class was at 10:00am so it was an eternity for her to wait since she woke up at 7:00. She decided that I was making her wait on purpose just to be mean and I was going to make her late and miss the class. To this I replied in a sarcastic tone that I'm trying to stop using, "you're right. I searched all over L.A. looking for a good class for you to take. I then signed you up the minute registration began so you could get a spot. I then paid money not only for the class but also to park. I did all of this because I'm mean and I want you to be late and miss the class!". I don't know what it is but this constant laying of blame (and of course it's me getting blamed 95% of the time) makes me crazier than anything! Even whining!
But this is supposed to be about funny things Asha says, not annoying things. Yesterday we went for a walk / bike ride. It was one of the first times Asha had been back in the saddle since she broke her arm. She's been a bit hesitant to ride her bike again. She was definitely more cautious and slower than she used to be, much to Stobie's sagrine because he thought he was actually going to get a decent walk. Asha was cruising along pretty well until she suddenly stopped and gazed off into the distance. When I asked what she was doing she said, in a dramatic and melancholy voice "it's my grave". I didn't know what she meant but she explained that it was the site of the unfortunate arm-breaking incident. We had a moment of silence to mourn the loss of her intact arm bone and moved on. Our Asha definitely has a flair for the dramatic.
Asha is also doing a yoga class right now. Very L.A., right? Asha thinks that she has some innate yogic ability because her name is Indian. The class is pretty fun and involves things like standing up from a cross-legged position with your hands on your head. Try it! It's harder than it sounds! Well before Asha's first class she ran into her room so she could get on her yoga outfit. A few minutes later she came out wearing the following: leggings with shorts over top, a long-sleeved shirt with a tank top over top, sunglasses, and a pink cowboy hat. She insisted that that's what people wear to yoga class in California. When we got to the class I was shocked to see that everyone else had on the same outfit! Just kidding! Imagine if that happened!
Well enough about Asha. We can't forget about Nia! As a younger child myself I am acutely aware that the oldest child often steals the show. Nia and I share something in common which is a precocious, ultra-talkative older sister. My other sister, a classic middle child compensated by being very well behaved and therefore adored by all, especially teachers. So far, Nia seems to using my strategy of being extremely cute. Unfortunately I was irritating and very much aware of my cuteness. Nia, on the other hand, is just so damn cute and hilarious without even trying.
(Just a brief little interlude to give a shout-out to my sisters. As my girls get older I see them becoming genuine friends which I find thrilling. My sisters and I got along ridiculously well as kids too. I have so many great memories of them reading to me and playing with me in the backyard. We had our occasional scuffles such as when Natasha hit me in the face with a lunchbox. Or did I hit her? I can't remember. Siena was bossy and liked to play fun little tricks such as setting up a yard sale on her bed where I could buy her crappy old toys (including some stuff that was mine). But for the most part my sisters were the best big sisters I could have ever asked for, despite my aforementioned annoying cuteness.)
Anyway, when I look back at pictures from when we first moved here I realize that Nia was seriously homely. I mean this in the most loving way possible and I was certainly not aware of it at the time. I guess all parents are somewhat oblivious to their children's shortcomings. Maybe I'm still delusional but I'm pretty sure that Nia is becoming one ridiculously cute kid. She has quite the little personality on her. David is seriously concerned because Nia seems to be a bit of a fashionista. Each morning when David takes Nia and Stobie for a walk he takes Nia to her closet to choose a sweater. She is very discerning about what she chooses and usually matches her selection to what David is wearing. Nia is also obsessed with shoes and hats and purses.
So we've got a whole lotta personality going on in our house! I'm afraid for the teenage years. Sometimes I think about people who don't have kids and how nice it must be sometimes. Generally this happens at 2 in the morning when Asha has growing pains or 6 in the morning when Nia didn't get the memo about the time change. But more often there are times when I am busting a gut because of something funny one of our kids did. Or because of the ridiculousness that has become our life. I had a recent conversation with a couple of moms about the strangest thing we've ever found in our kid's diaper. One of the best I've ever heard of was light bright pegs. My personal best was a googly eye used for crafts. There's nothing more unsettling than something peering out at you from the depths of a diaper.
So yes, my life is ridiculous at times but that's what makes it so damn fun.
Friday, March 2, 2012
That Wretched Stone
Alright. This is the post that has been brewing in my mind for the last 8 months but I haven't actually put down into words. The reason that I haven't written it yet is that the topic tends to alienate me from people. You see, I have found myself becoming increasingly weird and less like the norm. I sometimes ask myself if I've become the mom from About a Boy. Remember that movie? The mom is a vegan hippy who encourages her son to be unique and not fall prey to peer pressure. Unfortunately this results in him being a total outcast because he wears ugly shoes and spontaneously starts singing in the middle of class. Well I'm not as weird as that mom is nor do I have suicidal tendancies like her, thank goodness. Asha is definitely her own person but she isn't a social outcast (she does have a tendency to break into song at any given moment but she's 4 so it's still cute).
There's a fantastic kids' book called The Wretched Stone. It's by Chris Van Allsburg, the author of Jumanji and The Polar Express. It's about a ship of sailors who find a mysterious stone out at sea. The stone has a haunting glow and the sailors can't help but stare at it. Over time the sailors cease doing the things they loved to do such as reading, playing music and dancing and eventually they all turn to monkeys. In the end the captain covers up the stone and destroys it and the sailors return to normal (although they have an increased appetite for bananas!).
So the topic of this post is television. I'm just going to say it. I think television is responsible for the unravelling of the fabric of society. Phew. There it is. The reason that I'm hesitant to say this out loud is that people love TV and don't like to hear that it is evil. You would be amazed at how often television shows come up in conversation. I know, because I never have anything to offer in these conversations because we don't have TV.
Well we don't have cable or satellite or anything like that. I have to say up front that we do have a physical television set and we do watch movies so I'm not a complete media hermit. I have the entire second season of Modern Family on DVD and I am a bit of a closet "Gleek" so whenever those two shows come up in conversation I am so excited to contribute!! I also think that the second best decision I ever made as a parent was to limit my child's TV (or in our case movie) time to 1 movie a day. Asha knows that this occurs during Nia's nap so I have approximately 1 1/2 uninterrupted hours every day. Because she doesn't watch much TV Asha doesn't tune it out like most kids and carry on with other stuff. When she watches a movie she is totally engrossed so I can do whatever I want at that time. Seriously people, it's the best damn thing you can ever do for yourself as a parent (not to mention the benefits of limiting screen time on your kids but we'll get to that. By the way, this is the second best decision I ever made as a parent because the first is having my children with David. He's literally the best dad ever. I knew that he would be a good dad before we had kids but I never could have dreamed what a fun, engaged, and helpful dad he would be. But I digress...
We actually ended up having no cable by accident. When we moved to our first home in Whitecourt it took the cable company 3 months to hook it up. We missed it at first but after a couple of months we realized that we were better off without it. We spent more time reading, cooking, exercising, sleeping and fixing up our house than when we had TV. We called the cable company and told them not to bother coming. We lived without TV for several months. Then came hockey season and we really missed watching the games. One "Hockey Night in Canada" we were really wishing we could watch the game and couldn't help but notice the cable box in the backyard. We figured it was worth a try to see if we could somehow get something out of it. It turned out the cable had never been cut off so we were able to get it for free.
Well, we were like ex-junkies that fell off the wagon. At first we said we would just watch the games but that slowly snowballed until we were watching every night. I should add (because if I don't David will) that David didn't actually watch much TV even when we could. He has a low tolerance for crappy TV and most of it really is crappy. So I'll say it like it is... I was like an ex-junkie that fell off the wagon. I didn't like the hold that TV seemed to have on me. If I sat down to watch one show I would end up staying up until midnight. I also found myself doing less of the other stuff that I enjoyed doing.
So when we moved into our log house we decided to not even wire the house for cable. I went through a brief withdrawal but then I was back to enjoying the extra time. Since getting rid of TV I think I changed in lots of subtle ways. I'm much less paranoid about things like serial killers and child molesters. The actually likelihood of getting murdered is extremely slim but when we hear about every single case that happens in the world it makes us think it happens all the time in our own backyard. I also think that I want to buy less stuff. I was never a big shopper but since I'm not being inundated by commercials I don't feel like I need every new thing that comes out. One of the best things about just watching DVDs instead of TV is that you don't get the advertising.
That brings me to the unravelling of society. When I think of what is wrong with our society, TV has a major part in all of these things. Obesity epidemic? Well not only does TV take away from our time to exercise but it blasts us with advertisements for unhealthy food. Decline in reading among children? A recent study showed a link between empathy in children and reading. A book allows you to get into a person's mind and therefore makes you more empathetic towards the feelings of other people. TV just doesn't do this in the same way. Increase in ADHD and other psychological disorders? It has been shown that watching TV actually changes the way a person's brain is wired. Television is constantly flashing from one shot to another. Kids' brains come to seek out constant changes in input and therefore have trouble focusing in the real world. A decline in community and family relationships? Everyone is holed up inside instead of sitting on their front porches interacting with other people. Families tend to split off and watch separate shows in separate rooms. Don't even get me started on kids having televisions in their bedrooms! I've already alluded to the general paranoia that people have and also an overall lack of trust for eachother. Think about how many shows there are about decent human beings versus the ones about psychos. Not to mention all of these "reality shows" that don't exactly paint a positive picture of humanity. I guess us decent, normal people don't make for very good TV, do we?
The most troubling thing about television is the pervasive consumerism. We need to remember that the purpose of TV is not to entertain us but to make us buy stuff. We tend to think that commercials are annoying interludes from our shows when the truth is the opposite. Companies pay billions of dollars to advertise and the shows are created to keep our interest. Even without the actual advertisements, products are planted in all of the shows that we watch. My beloved Modern Family had a whole episode about Phil desperately trying to get a new IPad. It was hilarious but still... The even bigger problem is that television sells a lifestyle that is out of reach for many people and just within grasp for many more. We feel like we need a new car, a bigger house, furniture to fill that big house and therefore we need to work more in order to afford all that new stuff. We are so overworked that we have no time for the things that matter in life. Then we're so damn tired at the end of the day that all we want to do it veg out in front of the TV.
I guess I just feel like we're all getting suckered. Why exactly do we pay for this crap? And it truly is crap. Whenever I get a chance to watch TV at a hotel or someone else's house I get a bit excited. But then I turn the TV on, flip through the channels a few times and turn it off because it's all such CRAP!
Now that I have kids I've gone from being somewhat anti-television to being downright pissed off. Dora doesn't exist to entertain or educate my children but to make them want a Dora toothbrush, Dora underwear, a Dora bike etc etc. The kids' television stations employ psychologists to help them get into kids' heads. Look on the credits for most of the shows and you'll see a psychologist listed. Everything has been manufactured, from the length of an episode to the size of Elmo's eyes to appeal to our kids as much as possible.
OK, I'm going to reel it in a little bit. I've gone a bit too conspiracy theory with all this. You may be wondering why we have a TV at all. I realize the hypocrisy of preaching about the evils of the small screen when we still watch movies (which are actually usually DVDs of TV shows). Asha is watching The Magic School Bus as I write this. Part of the reason is the aforementioned 1 1/2 hours a day that I get to myself. It would be dishonest if I just said it was for honorable reasons. But it's also because I don't want Asha to be a total social outcast and I've experienced first-hand how alienating it can be to not be able to contribute to water cooler conversations. I also quite a few sideways looks when I've told people that we don't watch TV. I usually avoid the topic because people think I'm just too weird. Asha's already unique enough. I don't need to fan future bully's flames. I also like to watch the occasional movie in the evening.
My friend Jodi recently visited with her beautiful baby Emma and we had an interesting discussion about television. She said that one of her favourite things to do with her husband is curl up on the couch together and watch TV. For them, TV is quality time. It made me think about what David and I do in the evenings (the ones where David is home and not at school). We often sit and chat but just as often we read or do homework which are very solitary activities. Jodi also told me that if I plan on lobbying against television it will be the hill I die on. She's probably right. Are we all turning into monkeys? Does anybody even care if we are?
There's a fantastic kids' book called The Wretched Stone. It's by Chris Van Allsburg, the author of Jumanji and The Polar Express. It's about a ship of sailors who find a mysterious stone out at sea. The stone has a haunting glow and the sailors can't help but stare at it. Over time the sailors cease doing the things they loved to do such as reading, playing music and dancing and eventually they all turn to monkeys. In the end the captain covers up the stone and destroys it and the sailors return to normal (although they have an increased appetite for bananas!).
So the topic of this post is television. I'm just going to say it. I think television is responsible for the unravelling of the fabric of society. Phew. There it is. The reason that I'm hesitant to say this out loud is that people love TV and don't like to hear that it is evil. You would be amazed at how often television shows come up in conversation. I know, because I never have anything to offer in these conversations because we don't have TV.
Well we don't have cable or satellite or anything like that. I have to say up front that we do have a physical television set and we do watch movies so I'm not a complete media hermit. I have the entire second season of Modern Family on DVD and I am a bit of a closet "Gleek" so whenever those two shows come up in conversation I am so excited to contribute!! I also think that the second best decision I ever made as a parent was to limit my child's TV (or in our case movie) time to 1 movie a day. Asha knows that this occurs during Nia's nap so I have approximately 1 1/2 uninterrupted hours every day. Because she doesn't watch much TV Asha doesn't tune it out like most kids and carry on with other stuff. When she watches a movie she is totally engrossed so I can do whatever I want at that time. Seriously people, it's the best damn thing you can ever do for yourself as a parent (not to mention the benefits of limiting screen time on your kids but we'll get to that. By the way, this is the second best decision I ever made as a parent because the first is having my children with David. He's literally the best dad ever. I knew that he would be a good dad before we had kids but I never could have dreamed what a fun, engaged, and helpful dad he would be. But I digress...
We actually ended up having no cable by accident. When we moved to our first home in Whitecourt it took the cable company 3 months to hook it up. We missed it at first but after a couple of months we realized that we were better off without it. We spent more time reading, cooking, exercising, sleeping and fixing up our house than when we had TV. We called the cable company and told them not to bother coming. We lived without TV for several months. Then came hockey season and we really missed watching the games. One "Hockey Night in Canada" we were really wishing we could watch the game and couldn't help but notice the cable box in the backyard. We figured it was worth a try to see if we could somehow get something out of it. It turned out the cable had never been cut off so we were able to get it for free.
Well, we were like ex-junkies that fell off the wagon. At first we said we would just watch the games but that slowly snowballed until we were watching every night. I should add (because if I don't David will) that David didn't actually watch much TV even when we could. He has a low tolerance for crappy TV and most of it really is crappy. So I'll say it like it is... I was like an ex-junkie that fell off the wagon. I didn't like the hold that TV seemed to have on me. If I sat down to watch one show I would end up staying up until midnight. I also found myself doing less of the other stuff that I enjoyed doing.
So when we moved into our log house we decided to not even wire the house for cable. I went through a brief withdrawal but then I was back to enjoying the extra time. Since getting rid of TV I think I changed in lots of subtle ways. I'm much less paranoid about things like serial killers and child molesters. The actually likelihood of getting murdered is extremely slim but when we hear about every single case that happens in the world it makes us think it happens all the time in our own backyard. I also think that I want to buy less stuff. I was never a big shopper but since I'm not being inundated by commercials I don't feel like I need every new thing that comes out. One of the best things about just watching DVDs instead of TV is that you don't get the advertising.
That brings me to the unravelling of society. When I think of what is wrong with our society, TV has a major part in all of these things. Obesity epidemic? Well not only does TV take away from our time to exercise but it blasts us with advertisements for unhealthy food. Decline in reading among children? A recent study showed a link between empathy in children and reading. A book allows you to get into a person's mind and therefore makes you more empathetic towards the feelings of other people. TV just doesn't do this in the same way. Increase in ADHD and other psychological disorders? It has been shown that watching TV actually changes the way a person's brain is wired. Television is constantly flashing from one shot to another. Kids' brains come to seek out constant changes in input and therefore have trouble focusing in the real world. A decline in community and family relationships? Everyone is holed up inside instead of sitting on their front porches interacting with other people. Families tend to split off and watch separate shows in separate rooms. Don't even get me started on kids having televisions in their bedrooms! I've already alluded to the general paranoia that people have and also an overall lack of trust for eachother. Think about how many shows there are about decent human beings versus the ones about psychos. Not to mention all of these "reality shows" that don't exactly paint a positive picture of humanity. I guess us decent, normal people don't make for very good TV, do we?
The most troubling thing about television is the pervasive consumerism. We need to remember that the purpose of TV is not to entertain us but to make us buy stuff. We tend to think that commercials are annoying interludes from our shows when the truth is the opposite. Companies pay billions of dollars to advertise and the shows are created to keep our interest. Even without the actual advertisements, products are planted in all of the shows that we watch. My beloved Modern Family had a whole episode about Phil desperately trying to get a new IPad. It was hilarious but still... The even bigger problem is that television sells a lifestyle that is out of reach for many people and just within grasp for many more. We feel like we need a new car, a bigger house, furniture to fill that big house and therefore we need to work more in order to afford all that new stuff. We are so overworked that we have no time for the things that matter in life. Then we're so damn tired at the end of the day that all we want to do it veg out in front of the TV.
I guess I just feel like we're all getting suckered. Why exactly do we pay for this crap? And it truly is crap. Whenever I get a chance to watch TV at a hotel or someone else's house I get a bit excited. But then I turn the TV on, flip through the channels a few times and turn it off because it's all such CRAP!
Now that I have kids I've gone from being somewhat anti-television to being downright pissed off. Dora doesn't exist to entertain or educate my children but to make them want a Dora toothbrush, Dora underwear, a Dora bike etc etc. The kids' television stations employ psychologists to help them get into kids' heads. Look on the credits for most of the shows and you'll see a psychologist listed. Everything has been manufactured, from the length of an episode to the size of Elmo's eyes to appeal to our kids as much as possible.
OK, I'm going to reel it in a little bit. I've gone a bit too conspiracy theory with all this. You may be wondering why we have a TV at all. I realize the hypocrisy of preaching about the evils of the small screen when we still watch movies (which are actually usually DVDs of TV shows). Asha is watching The Magic School Bus as I write this. Part of the reason is the aforementioned 1 1/2 hours a day that I get to myself. It would be dishonest if I just said it was for honorable reasons. But it's also because I don't want Asha to be a total social outcast and I've experienced first-hand how alienating it can be to not be able to contribute to water cooler conversations. I also quite a few sideways looks when I've told people that we don't watch TV. I usually avoid the topic because people think I'm just too weird. Asha's already unique enough. I don't need to fan future bully's flames. I also like to watch the occasional movie in the evening.
My friend Jodi recently visited with her beautiful baby Emma and we had an interesting discussion about television. She said that one of her favourite things to do with her husband is curl up on the couch together and watch TV. For them, TV is quality time. It made me think about what David and I do in the evenings (the ones where David is home and not at school). We often sit and chat but just as often we read or do homework which are very solitary activities. Jodi also told me that if I plan on lobbying against television it will be the hill I die on. She's probably right. Are we all turning into monkeys? Does anybody even care if we are?
Friday, February 17, 2012
Girl Dating
I've never really dated. I kind of went from my high school boyfriend to dating a guy who was already my friend to dating (and then marrying) my best friend's brother. So I've never really had to be involved in the whole courting thing. I always thought that I was lucky but I think it left me completely unprepare for something much worse than dating: friend courting. Moving to a new city is fun and exciting but it also leaves you without any close girlfriends nearby and making new friends is not an easy endeavour.
I am reading a book right now called "MWF seeking BFF". Hilarious title, right? It's a memoir of a woman who moved from New York City to Chicago and vowed to go on 52 girl dates in a year in order to find a new best friend in her new city. When I heard about his book I had to get it because it totally struck home. She talks about how it's not actually that hard to make acquaintances if you're a half-way friendly person but it's so hard to take it to the next level where it becomes an actual friendship. The writer of the book is recently married and has no kids so her situation is a bit different than mine but the idea is the same.
Being a mom has made it much easier to meet people in a new city. People are much more likely to talk to you if you have kids with you. I have also met lots of moms with kids Asha's age so I have no shortage of acquaintances around town. It helps that Asha is insanely outgoing. Whenever we go to a park, Asha usually finds the girl closest to her in age and immediately befriends her. I've even seen Asha effortlessly bust into a group of established friends. It's amazing to watch. So I often end up chatting with the other kid's mom which sometimes results in an exchange of phone numbers and a "they should have a playdate some time" send-off.
The thing that I find hard is that just because our kids play together it doesn't mean that the mom and I will have anything else in common. Sometimes the child is lovely but the mom is wierd. Sometimes the mom is lovely but the child is wierd. It's also hard to actually make that next move. I feel wierd phoning someone up and saying "Remember me? The Canadian from the park? Wanna play sometime?". It feels a bit desperate.
The closest I've come to a friendship has been with Catie. Her daughter was in summer camp with Asha and she has a cool casualness about her that I like. Her two daughters are almost the exact same age to the day as my girls. Our kids even have similar dispositions (the eldest are outgoing and strong-willed and the youngest are quiet and easygoing). Another nice thing is that Catie has lived in L.A. for less than a year so she doesn't have a super-established social network yet. I always think that people who have lived here for a long time already have friends so why would they want to befriend me?
Well our kids have had many playdates and it's now the sort of situation where I can just call her up and say "we're going to the park. Wanna come?". I even house/dog sat for them when they went back east to visit family. The trouble is that we aren't really friends per se as much as fellow moms. We've never hung out without our kids. Another problem is that Asha and Catie's eldest, Jayna don't actually seem to like eachother. When they play at eachother's houses they generally just fight over toys. When they play at the park they usually find other kids to play with. Apparently two outgoing, strongwilled four year olds is a bad combination. I'm not sure if Catie hasn't noticed this or if she's just choosing to ignore it like me. I think we're at a point now where we need to decide if we're friends independent of our children or not. I feel like I would have to put myself out there and ask her out on a girl date! What do I do? Ask her out to dinner?! Somehow asking a girl out is way worse than asking a boy out on a date (not that I've ever done that).
It's similarly wierd with the parents at Asha's school. Most of the kids in Asha's class were in school together last year so they all know eachother well. Asha, of course, has seamlessly fit herself into this situation. The parents are all very nice and friendly. We've been invited to the park and the beach several times by other parents. The thing is, several of the parents are also friends independent of their kids. I overhear them talking about dinner parties that they've had over the weekend. How am I supposed to bust into that situation?
This brings me back to the temporariness of our time here. Is there any point in asking Catie out on a girl-date if we might move in 3 months? It's not like I don't have any friends they just happen to be scattered all over the place. I've managed to hang on to at least one person from each of my stages of life. Those are my lifer friends who will never get rid of me (you know who you are). Maybe it's enough to have the lifer friends who I can call whenever I need them and then a bunch of acquaintances who I can have the daily not-so-deep interactions with. Or maybe I'm just to chicken to ask Catie on a girl date or chat up one of the other parents from Asha's class.
Or maybe I just need to take a page from Asha's book. When she gets to the park is she thinking, "That girl has lots of friends already. She doesn't want to be friends with me."? Yeah right! Is she thinking, "We might be moving in 3 months so what's the point of starting a game of tag."? No way! Asha has actually been openly shunned by a girl and it didn't phase her one bit. The girl actually said "Go away. I don't want to play with you". I wanted to tear that girl limb from limb and hollar at her mom for raising such a mean child. Asha persisted for a while but then moved on. I guess it's one more thing on a very long list that I need to learn from my daughter. I will one day turn this list into a book entitled How to Live Like a Preschooler. It includes taking naps, getting really excited every time you see an airplane, and splashing in puddles. It'll be a bestseller!
I am reading a book right now called "MWF seeking BFF". Hilarious title, right? It's a memoir of a woman who moved from New York City to Chicago and vowed to go on 52 girl dates in a year in order to find a new best friend in her new city. When I heard about his book I had to get it because it totally struck home. She talks about how it's not actually that hard to make acquaintances if you're a half-way friendly person but it's so hard to take it to the next level where it becomes an actual friendship. The writer of the book is recently married and has no kids so her situation is a bit different than mine but the idea is the same.
Being a mom has made it much easier to meet people in a new city. People are much more likely to talk to you if you have kids with you. I have also met lots of moms with kids Asha's age so I have no shortage of acquaintances around town. It helps that Asha is insanely outgoing. Whenever we go to a park, Asha usually finds the girl closest to her in age and immediately befriends her. I've even seen Asha effortlessly bust into a group of established friends. It's amazing to watch. So I often end up chatting with the other kid's mom which sometimes results in an exchange of phone numbers and a "they should have a playdate some time" send-off.
The thing that I find hard is that just because our kids play together it doesn't mean that the mom and I will have anything else in common. Sometimes the child is lovely but the mom is wierd. Sometimes the mom is lovely but the child is wierd. It's also hard to actually make that next move. I feel wierd phoning someone up and saying "Remember me? The Canadian from the park? Wanna play sometime?". It feels a bit desperate.
The closest I've come to a friendship has been with Catie. Her daughter was in summer camp with Asha and she has a cool casualness about her that I like. Her two daughters are almost the exact same age to the day as my girls. Our kids even have similar dispositions (the eldest are outgoing and strong-willed and the youngest are quiet and easygoing). Another nice thing is that Catie has lived in L.A. for less than a year so she doesn't have a super-established social network yet. I always think that people who have lived here for a long time already have friends so why would they want to befriend me?
Well our kids have had many playdates and it's now the sort of situation where I can just call her up and say "we're going to the park. Wanna come?". I even house/dog sat for them when they went back east to visit family. The trouble is that we aren't really friends per se as much as fellow moms. We've never hung out without our kids. Another problem is that Asha and Catie's eldest, Jayna don't actually seem to like eachother. When they play at eachother's houses they generally just fight over toys. When they play at the park they usually find other kids to play with. Apparently two outgoing, strongwilled four year olds is a bad combination. I'm not sure if Catie hasn't noticed this or if she's just choosing to ignore it like me. I think we're at a point now where we need to decide if we're friends independent of our children or not. I feel like I would have to put myself out there and ask her out on a girl date! What do I do? Ask her out to dinner?! Somehow asking a girl out is way worse than asking a boy out on a date (not that I've ever done that).
It's similarly wierd with the parents at Asha's school. Most of the kids in Asha's class were in school together last year so they all know eachother well. Asha, of course, has seamlessly fit herself into this situation. The parents are all very nice and friendly. We've been invited to the park and the beach several times by other parents. The thing is, several of the parents are also friends independent of their kids. I overhear them talking about dinner parties that they've had over the weekend. How am I supposed to bust into that situation?
This brings me back to the temporariness of our time here. Is there any point in asking Catie out on a girl-date if we might move in 3 months? It's not like I don't have any friends they just happen to be scattered all over the place. I've managed to hang on to at least one person from each of my stages of life. Those are my lifer friends who will never get rid of me (you know who you are). Maybe it's enough to have the lifer friends who I can call whenever I need them and then a bunch of acquaintances who I can have the daily not-so-deep interactions with. Or maybe I'm just to chicken to ask Catie on a girl date or chat up one of the other parents from Asha's class.
Or maybe I just need to take a page from Asha's book. When she gets to the park is she thinking, "That girl has lots of friends already. She doesn't want to be friends with me."? Yeah right! Is she thinking, "We might be moving in 3 months so what's the point of starting a game of tag."? No way! Asha has actually been openly shunned by a girl and it didn't phase her one bit. The girl actually said "Go away. I don't want to play with you". I wanted to tear that girl limb from limb and hollar at her mom for raising such a mean child. Asha persisted for a while but then moved on. I guess it's one more thing on a very long list that I need to learn from my daughter. I will one day turn this list into a book entitled How to Live Like a Preschooler. It includes taking naps, getting really excited every time you see an airplane, and splashing in puddles. It'll be a bestseller!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Living in Tinseltown
So I am really enjoying my Beach Bootcamp class. It's a great excuse to get outside and get some exercise. A few weeks ago my class was cancelled and I didn't know until I'd gone all the way down there. Texas had sent an email but of course I didn't get it because I'm a computer moron who checks her email once a day (this is also the reason that I haven't posted anything in 3 weeks! Sorry!). Anyway, when I got back home I told David to guess why the class was cancelled. My hint was that it was a very L.A. reason. His first guess was traffic. Quite possible but incorrect. His next guess was an earthquake. Not so likely and also incorrect.
The correct answer was that they were filming a movie on the beach. A big chunk of the beach was closed off and there were trucks and trailers everywhere. I saw a tall, thin woman coming out of one of the Star Wagons (the trailers that celebrities use) and I figured she was someone famous. I didn't recognize her but I am a bit of a media hermit so that's no surprise. I must admit that I slowed down as I drove by in the hopes that I would recognize someone.
I suppose I knew that the film industry was sort of a big deal here but for some reason it still surprises me how much Hollywood permeates the whole city. A friend of mine is a costumer for TV and films which involves buying several sets of the same outfit for an actor and then breaking them down so they look worn-in and authentic. The mother of one of Asha's classmates is a talent agent. One of the singers in my choir's husband is a movie extra (but in his heart he's a songwriter/rapper. Seriously.).
It turns out that the beach where my bootcamp class is is one of the top 10 film locations in the city. On the weekend as I returned to my car after my class I saw some people playing croquet in a field near the beach. I thought this was wierd but it turned out that they were filming a scene. By the way, if you ever see a movie or a TV show with a blond pre-teen girl and a boy with red hair playing croquet look out for me! I'm the sweaty lady in the background trying to convince a 4 year old to put her shoes on to cross the street.
I'm not a person who is obsessed with celebrity. I don't buy People or Us magazines although I must admit that I check out the front covers when I'm waiting in line at the grocery store. Is Angelina really pregnant again? How is it possible for a body that skinny to grow a baby?? Increasingly though, I don't even know who the people on those magazines are. Recently I saw an interview with a woman and the interviewer said "what does it feel like to be the world's most recognizable person?". I literally didn't know who it was. It turns out that it was Lady Gaga. I do know who she is but I guess I don't know what she looks like!
Speaking of Lady Gaga, there was a women's conference at our babysitter's private school and Lady Gaga performed at it. Maria Shriver's kids go the the school. Isn't that crazy? These are things that just happen in this city! Even though I don't really care about celebrities all that much I still felt the need to write to all of you about Maria Shriver's kids going to my babysitter's school! I'm practically famous!
I have decided that I would like to see a celebrity while we're in L.A. because it's such a truly L.A. experience. I think I might have seen the redheaded kid from the Harry Potter movies at the airport but David says it doesn't count because a) I don't know if it was him and b) he's not really famous. I definitely did see Vern, one of the designers from Trading Spaces but he's not famous enough either. The thing is, there are so many celebrities in this city it wouldn't actually take much effort for me to see one. Anyone can stand outside of a movie premiere to catch a glimpse of someone famous. I just don't think I can be bothered. I either have too much pride or too little energy, or both. Weston and Hillary (remember the fancy people from David's school?) told me that we just have to go to the Ivy which is the restaurant where all the celebrities go. Sounds expensive.
I guess I'll just wait and see if I happen to stumble upon a celebrity some time. I don't even know what I'd do if I did see someone. I would have too much pride to say something but David says that it doesn't count as a celebrity sighting if you don't confirm if it really is them. Hmmm.
The correct answer was that they were filming a movie on the beach. A big chunk of the beach was closed off and there were trucks and trailers everywhere. I saw a tall, thin woman coming out of one of the Star Wagons (the trailers that celebrities use) and I figured she was someone famous. I didn't recognize her but I am a bit of a media hermit so that's no surprise. I must admit that I slowed down as I drove by in the hopes that I would recognize someone.
I suppose I knew that the film industry was sort of a big deal here but for some reason it still surprises me how much Hollywood permeates the whole city. A friend of mine is a costumer for TV and films which involves buying several sets of the same outfit for an actor and then breaking them down so they look worn-in and authentic. The mother of one of Asha's classmates is a talent agent. One of the singers in my choir's husband is a movie extra (but in his heart he's a songwriter/rapper. Seriously.).
It turns out that the beach where my bootcamp class is is one of the top 10 film locations in the city. On the weekend as I returned to my car after my class I saw some people playing croquet in a field near the beach. I thought this was wierd but it turned out that they were filming a scene. By the way, if you ever see a movie or a TV show with a blond pre-teen girl and a boy with red hair playing croquet look out for me! I'm the sweaty lady in the background trying to convince a 4 year old to put her shoes on to cross the street.
I'm not a person who is obsessed with celebrity. I don't buy People or Us magazines although I must admit that I check out the front covers when I'm waiting in line at the grocery store. Is Angelina really pregnant again? How is it possible for a body that skinny to grow a baby?? Increasingly though, I don't even know who the people on those magazines are. Recently I saw an interview with a woman and the interviewer said "what does it feel like to be the world's most recognizable person?". I literally didn't know who it was. It turns out that it was Lady Gaga. I do know who she is but I guess I don't know what she looks like!
Speaking of Lady Gaga, there was a women's conference at our babysitter's private school and Lady Gaga performed at it. Maria Shriver's kids go the the school. Isn't that crazy? These are things that just happen in this city! Even though I don't really care about celebrities all that much I still felt the need to write to all of you about Maria Shriver's kids going to my babysitter's school! I'm practically famous!
I have decided that I would like to see a celebrity while we're in L.A. because it's such a truly L.A. experience. I think I might have seen the redheaded kid from the Harry Potter movies at the airport but David says it doesn't count because a) I don't know if it was him and b) he's not really famous. I definitely did see Vern, one of the designers from Trading Spaces but he's not famous enough either. The thing is, there are so many celebrities in this city it wouldn't actually take much effort for me to see one. Anyone can stand outside of a movie premiere to catch a glimpse of someone famous. I just don't think I can be bothered. I either have too much pride or too little energy, or both. Weston and Hillary (remember the fancy people from David's school?) told me that we just have to go to the Ivy which is the restaurant where all the celebrities go. Sounds expensive.
I guess I'll just wait and see if I happen to stumble upon a celebrity some time. I don't even know what I'd do if I did see someone. I would have too much pride to say something but David says that it doesn't count as a celebrity sighting if you don't confirm if it really is them. Hmmm.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)